Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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