I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
