Im at strip club and am horny
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
