Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im holly from the hills drunk
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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