Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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