she woke up with a sticky ear
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
