Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
