I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
