i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
