I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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