i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
