And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
