she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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