He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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