If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
