yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
