I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
