I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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