Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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