dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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