Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she pinky promised me she was 18
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
