A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
