I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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