the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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