Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize