i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
