I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
