so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
