I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
