My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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