So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
