So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
