cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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