Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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