I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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