were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
