Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Randomize
