I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
