Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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