I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sober January is a disaster.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
