I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
honey bunches of taint.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
