I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize