It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
