Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
