Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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