I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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