i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
