tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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