I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Small penises have feelings too.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
