Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
