his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm too high and old for this...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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