So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
