I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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