On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
