I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Mom said you looked used
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
