i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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