She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
