I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
