Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
