she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
