Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
