Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
