the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize