Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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