mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
