your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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