I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
