The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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