You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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