u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
