well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
