i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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