sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
