My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
