As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
