Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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