Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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